Once upon a time, in the land of Fenway….
There was a handsome prince who was known for wearing red socks. Prince Red Sox was the undisputed ruler of the land and commanded the attention of many fair maidens from across the land, but none more beautiful than Princess October. She had beautiful golden hair and always wore a glimmering silver dress. Prince Red Sox and Princess October lived happily in Fenway until one day the prince noticed dark storm clouds. Without any warning a portly, pompus, pinstriped prince appeared on a black horse. He stepped off his horse and demanded he see Prince Red Sox. The good prince politely refused the entry of the foreign visitor but the intruder was not fazed. He cleared his throat and shouted for his steed. “Steinbrenner,” he called to his horse, “break down this green monster preventing us from entering the land of Fenway!” Just then, Prince Red Sox turned around to see his wall breached and the prince fast approaching. The valiant prince could do nothing else but ask what business the invader had with him and his kingdom. He mounted his trusty horse Yawkey and rode to meet the mysterious visitor. The two stopped in the Huntington forest, where Prince Red Sox inquired of his visitor, “Who are you and what business do you have in the Kingdom of Fenway?” The mysterious prince replied, “I am Lord Yankee from the Bronx Kingdom. I come to steal from you the thing you hold dearest, Princess October!” Prince Red Sox was taken aback by Lord Yankee’s bold statement to which he replied, “My good lord, I do not want to anger you but Princess October is contended to live her days out in the Kingdom of Fenway.” Lord Yankee became angered and tried to force himself past the Prince but failed. While doing this, he noticed a ring around the Prince’s neck. He inquired to the good Prince, “wherever did you get that fine ring around your neck?” Red Sox replied, “It was a gift from the fair maiden October. She gives me one for every jousting series I win.” Lord Yankee was intrigued about the promise of a jousting series, and made a deal with the Prince. “Prince Red Sox, I shall enter your jousting series and if I win I get the Princess October.” Red Sox accepted his challenge, given the portly stature of Lord Yankee and the fact that he had the greatest jousting champion by his side for every tournament, Lord Bambino. He invited Lord Yankee to his castle for dinner and to draw up the rules for the tournament. The two dined with a cask and flagon while determining the rules for the tournament. At the end of the meal Prince Red Sox declared he would win the day because of Lord Bambino at which point Lord Yankee started to chuckle. “Are you sure Lord Bambino is on your side?” Red Sox was taken aback by this comment, “Do you know Lord Bambino,” he inquired to which Lord Yankee replied, “No, but Lord Frazee does.” The prince turned around and saw Lord Bambino dressed in pinstripes. He leaped out of his chair and ran to Lord Frazee’s room. The room was deserted save for a bottle and a note which read, “I am sorry, my lord, but the Yankee offered me too much. I leave you a broken man but with hope. I have concocted a potion which gives the taker immortal youth. Use it to your advantage.” Just then, the doors slammed and Prince Red Sox ran out to see Lord Yankee ride away on Steinbrenner with Bambino in tow. Distraught he ran to the Princess’ chambers and was relieved to find Princess October sleeping like an angel. He drank Frazee’s potion and swore to defeat Lord Yankee in the upcoming duel….
The day of the duel dawned bright and clear. Prince Red Sox showed up resplendent in his silver armor while Lord Yankee wore his customary pinstriped coat of armor. The two exchanged pleasantries and returned to their corners to begin the best-of-seven set duel. Prince Red Sox masterfully downed Lord Yankee and won the first two sets convincingly. However, Lord Yankee battled back to win the next three and set up a deciding seventh set. While preparing for the set, Prince Red Sox was visited by a witch who, after promising to help him out actually beset our hero with a curse. When asked who would dare curse him the witch pointed to Lord Bambino. Red Sox brushed off this petty spell and mounted Yawkey for the final duel. However, Prince Red Sox slipped when riding! He tumbled to the ground and rolled over, only to see Lord Yankee kissing his beautiful maiden and riding away with her. “The Curse of the Bambino you say, I shall defeat it!”
Prince Red Sox tried everything to reverse the curse. He hired Lords Williams, Yastrzemski, Fisk, Cronin, and many others to help him out. They got close but all failed. Over the next 86 years the good prince did not age one year but saw his bitter rival Lord Yankee collect 26 Series titles, each one more painful for Prince Red Sox to watch. The good prince did get close though, but that only made the pain of seeing Princess October become greater and greater. He even had defeated Lord Yankee once, but not before a shout from Lords Boone and Dent toppled the prince, leaving the princess in the hands of Lord Yankee and Red Sox in the dirt.
The next year passed, but not without acrimonies exchanged between the bitter rivals. Lord Yankee had stolen yet another trainer, Lord Rodriguez, from him and the lord was poised to win another Series title. In the semifinals the prince was down three sets to none, a valley none of which before him had been able to climb up. When he thought all was lost, a lone man approached him. “Hello, my name is Papi, I come with advice.” Prince Red Sox wanted to ignore him but had become so desperate for advice he listened to him and in the last second he defeated the lord on Papi’s advice. He turned to Papi and made him his advisor. Newly rejuvenated the prince won two more sets to bring the series to a deciding seventh set. With Lord Papi and his merry band of Idiots behind him the prince soundly defeated Lord Yankee, leaving his facemask in the dirt and the lord’s servants cheering that the Evil Empire had been brought down. The Curse of the Bambino had been reversed and the good prince had been vindicated! One more challenge remained, however, for the good prince. He must defeat King Cardinale, led by Lord Albert. The good prince followed Papi’s advice and when the king’s helmet landed in the arms of a serf named Mientkiewicz he knew the battle had been one. For the first time in 86 years, Red Sox had won a series, could you believe it? The Princess ran from the Yankee Stadium boxes to meet with her hero. As Lord Frazee had supplied Lord Yankee with the youth serum as well, she had not aged either and still wore a ruby necklace around her neck to symbolize her love for Red Sox. As they embraced, Lord Yankee fumed and vowed to spend more money than ever to regain his crown. He filled his court with petty lords and still lost to Prince Red Sox, who now scoured his farms for the best jousters in all of Fenway. He met Lords Pedroia, Beckett, Ellsbury, Papelbon, and many more who helped secure his title two years later with the help of his court jesters the Dropkick Murphys and their beautiful accompaniment Tessie.
Together the good prince and his beautiful princess lived happily ever after in the land of Fenway…..the end!